A personal story of mental illness

Mental health disorders can evolve throughout life, as can our understanding of them. Finding the right treatment, the right diagnosis, and understanding the unique underlying factors in our own lives can be the key to recovery.

In this personal story, MQ supporter Mike Oglesbee kindly recounts how examining his own life and upbringing helped him move forward.

destructive survival

Growing up in a small town with few resources, I struggled along the path of life. I developed anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, and a hair-pulling addiction called trichotillomania as a teenager. I was in a constant battle with fear.

While some in similar positions shut themselves off, shutting themselves off from the world and doing their best to become invisible, I have chosen a more destructive path of rebellion. I became loud with my words and actions. I didn’t feel heard, so I resorted to annoyance and causing trouble for those around me.

By mid-teens, I had already been expelled from school three times. I had a reputation for being a troublemaker, and because of my behavior, I had become one of those kids whose parents warned other kids. I often say I screwed up so much because I was so screwed up.

Unmet needs

It’s not that I grew up in a bad house, a bad neighborhood or a bad situation. My mom worked at a bank in town about an hour away, which meant she had to get home around 6 o’clock at night. My dad worked 12-hour shifts in a factory almost seven days a week to make sure we always had what we needed.

Although they did their best, I was missing something. I did not receive the emotional support I needed to grow and develop mentally and emotionally in a healthy way. They didn’t know how to meet my needs or even that they weren’t satisfied. With three children, they did their best to give us each what they thought they needed.

Growing up in an environment that couldn’t meet my specific needs, I didn’t learn how to meet them. I just bottled up my emotions because I didn’t know how to deal with them. It didn’t make them go away. Instead, it hurt me even more. I lambasted more to overcompensate for the discomfort I was feeling.

Value and value

While I heard that time heals all wounds, that was not the case for me. My difficulties followed me into adulthood, where I experienced many difficulties with relationships and low self-esteem. I made a lot of bad choices, but I had a great work ethic watching my dad, which allowed me to overcompensate by becoming a workaholic.

Being a workaholic became just another addiction that I used to cover up my shortcomings. Even though I excelled in my performances, I felt that it was never enough. I felt like I was never enough. In my opinion, nothing was ever enough to lift me higher than my low self-esteem, but I continued to pursue higher and nobler goals.

And even though I’ve done a lot of great things, including having dinner with the President of the United States, visiting countries around the world, being elected president of a rodeo association for the military, and being the top performer in my work, none of it mattered. I did not fully own and accept my accomplishments even though I was constantly striving to achieve them.

I needed them because they would make me valuable and worthy. I relied on my external results to validate and magnify my value. But they never did. It was just another empty pit that I was trying to quench my thirst.

Perceptions of change can change

In my late twenties and early thirties, I discovered hypnotherapy and neurolinguistic programming while studying in college for my bachelor’s degree in psychology. I’ve always been fascinated by the mind and the possibilities of what we can achieve in specific mental states. I started taking certification programs hoping that these tools would finally lead me to overcome the debilitating mental health issues that had deprived me of peace throughout my life.

At first they helped a little. My life didn’t magically change, but it started to. The biggest mistake I made when interacting with these modalities was thinking they were going to change me. I thought they would make me a different person and that I could finally live the way I wanted. I quickly realized that I was quite naive.

After practicing with these modalities, I caught the attention of a local chiropractor and a cancer doctor, who invited me to work with their clientele. Like many in the field of psychology, I thought I could help myself by helping others. That’s when my business, Maximized Mind Hypnotherapy & Coaching, was born.

Complex mental illness

You would think someone in my position wouldn’t have issues like anxiety, depression, OCD or other mental illnesses. After all, how could I help others if I couldn’t even help myself? But I was able to help others change their lives in meaningful ways, even if I hadn’t done it entirely for myself.

By working with others over the years, I have been able to devise strategies and tools to help my clientele as well as myself. I learned a lot about healing mental illness that when applied works. The biggest lesson I learned was self-discipline.

Managing many mental illnesses is possible, but not without self-discipline. It took me years of working on myself to finally release my anxieties, my OCDs and my depression. I had to learn to look inward, find the root causes of my struggles, and work to replace them. I am not talking about where they started, but where they are currently coming from. The answer was my basic identity.

life without examination

Growing up without my needs being met taught me a lot about myself. It taught me that I wasn’t valuable enough, good enough, and didn’t deserve to be heard and validated. When I discovered these beliefs and stories at the core of my identity, I began to work to replace them.

I decided to work on myself as much and as long as it takes to change my programs and my beliefs. It took me years to change them because they were so deeply woven into the fabric of my being, but I finally did it! That was many years ago, and there are still a lot of things I would like to change, but I’m finally getting to live a life that I appreciate and love.

Now I have the opportunity to teach valuable skills to help others overcome their difficulties and enter into a life they can fall in love with. It’s not easy to change your life. Strange as it may seem, although most people want their life to change, most don’t.

Humans crave familiarity

People feel comfortable with the familiarity of the chaos around them. They learn to function there, which becomes like an addiction. However, learning to let go is a skill that can lead to greater success and happiness. Life is hard. It’s not easy being human, even for those who don’t struggle with mental health issues.

Managing mental health issues is a journey that requires its participants to work hard, be consistent, and exercise self-discipline. This requires knowledge and studies. I often say that life is like a university and there is only one subject to learn; yourself. You can only do this by studying yourself and taking the time to introspect yourself. Once you have done this, a better life without debilitating mental health issues may also become possible for you.

Thanks to Mike for the generosity of sharing.

For some, managing mental illness, rather than living without it, is a valid goal. All mental illnesses are treatable and all mental illnesses have meaning. Help is available for anyone affected by mental illness. If you feel you need help, it’s available here.